onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
