How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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