The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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