I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
