your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize