Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
