you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
