Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
