Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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