I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
