Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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