It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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