Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
