Got a toothbrush?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he thought i was a dude.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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