Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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