We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
