uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
