he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
