I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
