That's intense
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
