pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
