he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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