she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
