The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
