My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
