We're like a lot better than the average bears
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
