i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
