I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
