"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize