Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
