I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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