i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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