Girls should come with a carfax report
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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