So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
