After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
