And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
