someone get that fucking seahorse.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
