I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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