i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
