we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We are two peas in an std pod
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize