you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
