so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
