I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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