I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
