I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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