i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No I am not eating basil off your cock
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
