before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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