I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How external is "for external use only"?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
