i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
