He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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