thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
