no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
