Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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