Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
