yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
