I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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