May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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