I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
