Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
