I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dear god my vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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