Do you still have your period?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize