Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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