i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
