I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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