The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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