dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
