i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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