weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize