Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize