dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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