i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my poor anus
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
