Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
