Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
