he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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