Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
