just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
