Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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