u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
vagina is talking i cant
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
